Build a Love Map: An exercise for couples
The foundation to a healthy relationship is a Love Map— a mental map of who your partner is, their likes, their dislikes, their hopes, their values, and everything that makes them who they are.
The “Love Map building'“ exercise was provided by The Gottman Institute as a way of strengthening your relationship and increasing your emotional bond as a couple. From asking each other these questions, you will take notice of little things you may have missed about your partner and find new means for connecting with one another.
The exercise
Name your partner’s two closest friends.
What is your partner’s favorite musical group, composer, or instrument?
What was your partner wearing when you first met?
What are your partner’s hobbies?
Where was your partner born?
What stresses are facing your partner in the immediate future?
Describe in detail your partner’s day, either today or yesterday.
When is your partner’s birthday?
What is the date of your anniversary?
Who is your partner’s favorite relative?
What is your partner’s fondest dream, as yet unachieved?
What is your partner’s favorite flower?
What is one of your partner’s worst fears in life?
What is your partner’s favorite time for making love?
What makes your partner feel most competent?
What turns your partner on sexually?
What is your partner’s favorite food?
What is your partner’s favorite way to spend an evening?
What is your partner’s favorite color?
What personal improvements does your partner want to make in their life?
What kind of present would your partner like best?
What was one of your partner’s best childhood experiences?
What was your partner’s favorite vacation?
What is one of your partner’s favorite ways of being soothed?
Who is your partner’s greatest source of support other than you?
With whom does your partner currently have a conflict?
What is your partner’s favorite sport?
What does your partner like to do with time off?
What is one of your partner’s favorite weekend activities?
What is your partner’s favorite getaway place?
What is your partner’s favorite movie?
What are some of the important events coming up in your partner’s life and how do they feel about them?
What are some of your partner’s favorite ways to work out?
What is your partner’s favorite cologne or perfume?
Who was your partner’s best friend in childhood?
What is one of your partner’s favorite magazines?
Name one of you partner’s major rivals or enemies.
What would be an ideal job for your partner?
What is your partner’s major fear?
Who is your partner’s least favorite relative?
What is your partner’s favorite holiday?
What is your partner’s favorite kind of reading?
What is your partner’s favorite TV how?
Who is your partner’s favorite poet?
What is your partner’s favorite side of the bed?
What is your partner currently most sad about?
What is one of your partner’s concerns or worries?
What medical problems does your partner worry about?
What was your partner’s most embarrassing moment?
What is your partner’s worst childhood experience?
Which people does your partner most admire in the world? Name two.
Who is your partner’s least favorite person you both know?
What is one of your partner’s favorite desserts?
What is your partner’s social security number?
What is one of your partner’s favorite novels?
What is your partner’s favorite romantic restaurant?
What are two of your partner’s aspirations, hopes, or wishes?
Does your partner have a secret ambition? What is it?
What foods does your partner hate?
What is your partner’s favorite animal?
What is your partner’s favorite song?
What is your partner’s favorite tree?
Click here for a PDF version of this Love Map exercise.
Author’s remarks
There are only so many questions that could have been included in this exercise. If you didn’t vibe with this exercise, worry not, because there are so many other ways to build a Love Map. The key is to stay curious about your partner and know that there are always new things to learn about them.
Looking for other tools to improve your relationship?
Here are a few of many resources available online:
Couples therapy can also help address your relationship concerns. My name is Anabel Helen and I’m a Toronto Asian therapist with expertise in ADHD, autism, BPD, and anxiety. Book a consultation with me if you are interested in attending couples counselling with a Gottman-trained therapist.